073. The Real Cost of Promotion in the Fire Service [Part 1]

Promotion changes everything — not just your title. In this episode, Captain Ralph Suppa opens up about his journey from rookie firefighter to respected officer, the wins that built him, and the failures that shaped him. From grueling tests to unexpected lessons in leadership, Ralph shares what it really takes to step up without losing your crew or yourself.

What You’ll Learn:

• How to build unshakable trust with your crew — even after you make mistakes.
• Why finding the right mentors can change your entire career.
• The truth about the “competition” in promotion processes (and how to turn rivals into allies).
• How to handle the backlash when your success doesn’t sit well with everyone.
• The mindset shift that separates great firefighters from great leaders.

If you’re a firefighter who’s grinding for the next step or struggling with the politics of promotion, this one’s for you.

Transcript

TJ: I'm super pumped to have a good friend of mine whom I've known for close to, if not 10 years, then like at least 10 years. We met under some interesting circumstances. And this man is a fellow special operations nerd, just nerd all around a glutton for punishment, a fire service captain and a dude whose advice, whose mentorship I always appreciate and whose thought on life and the world I always welcome.

So without further ado, my boy Ralph Suppa. Ralph buddy, thank you so much for being here. 

Ralph: Thank you for having me. Uh, the irony is that I feel everything you said is what I would say about you, and I was like, oh, you're introducing yourself about the podcast that I wanna say about you. That 

TJ: is a boldface lie.

The people who know me are like, yeah, this guy robbed this one crack. 

Ralph: See, that's where they know that I'm telling the truth. And I am honored, uh, honored to be here. And, uh, very excited. I'm grateful. Thank you. I appreciate you. Yeah, 

TJ: thanks. Thanks for being here. You've also been one of the longest standing members of the Keep the Promise community on Patreon for a couple of reasons, but, uh, we are, we are glad to still have you on board going on like three years now.

All right. Let's get into this because I know you're a busy guy, as I'm sure we will, we'll unpack as we go. I know about Ralph, whom I met in 2015, but I just knew that you were a fireman at the time. Right. I had no idea about your history, your upbringing, anything of the sort. Take me back to what led you into the fire service, how you got involved in it, and what your initial years were like as you started down this path.

Ralph: No, great question. I wanted to get into. Being a paramedic ever since I was little. And I know that's where I most people are like, click. Oh no. Done. 

TJ: Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for listening to the fastest episode of The Promise Podcast. 

Ralph: Um, and I don't know where it spouts from. Maybe it was watching Rescue 9 1 1.

Maybe it was, um, uh, I had numerous times where the fire department showed up to either my house or the friend's house, but in, I think it was sixth grade, it was like, what do you wanna be when you grow up? And I wanted to be a paramedic and read a book about it. Did a project on it. Um, growing up, one of my good friends, like later on, and unfortunately he passed away from cancer at, uh, 38, um, his mom was a paramedic.

And her and I would just get into discussions while over their house. And I think it just goes back to I just wanted to help people. And I know that sounds like a cliche, but I promise that's that's really what it is. So that's kind of what it was. Um, for me, early in my career, uh, I started volunteering, was a live-in, at a, uh, a station in the county I work for.

And then, um, lucky enough was able to get hired by having some good mentors and people guide me through that process. And, uh, one of the things that I remember most was in the academy. I was that 19-year-old punk kid, um, in the, in the class leader speech. He was like, yeah, and if you're doing something wrong, just wait for Ralph to, you know, distract the, uh, instructors and get them and get the RTOs, uh, attacking him.

And, uh, pretty much that's continued for my 20 year career. But I went to bed the night before my first shift and could not sleep. Woke up. Drenching sweat. Like, did I make a mistake? Oh my gosh. So then I show up exhausted. Day one, I had an acting officer who is, I immensely respect him. Um, he's actually the captain at our training academy now.

And I show up and he's like, what's wrong with you? And I was like, I mean, I brought donuts, you know, but I was like, I'm just, he's like, go lay down. I was like, I, I can't lay down. And, um, this is where he taught me, you'll learn something about every, everyone you work for, how you wanna be and how you don't wanna be.

So, uh, you know, that was, that was day one. I had great mentors and senior leaders as soon as I got on the job, and they helped really develop me more so into who I am. I went to the busiest house in the county to start off, and it was great. We were on 24 40 eights. Uh, my first year and a half and I just had a blast running, you know, call after call.

So that was, that was my start. And then, um, one of those moments that tested me early on, there's, uh, two moments. One was a, uh, pediatric arrest probably in the first month or two of my career. And I can go back to this day. And, you know, those, those who've experienced it, I think we all have, I can still recall everything.

I can hear the brother screaming and uh, I'll never forget got home 'cause it was first thing in the morning coming off. We were getting ready to come off a shift, but I just happened to jump on and, um, the guys from my crew called me throughout that day and the next day just to check on me and whatnot.

And again, like that was. That to me was huge and that's how I grew up. So I try to continue that, um, not to solve the problems, but just be there. Um, and you know, that was Gary Utz, who's since retired from us, but I still talk to him. He is, he was a 30 year, 35 year fireman and just like I am forever grateful for everything that, you know, he's taught me and continues to teach me.

And then, uh, something where you and I are discussing this, one of my first calls in special operations was a, uh, a pretty significant hazmat call. And, um, I got scared and coward. And the next shift I got called into, uh, the office. And, um, my lieutenant at the time, uh, he's a captain now with us, Chris Kane was like, okay, what happened?

And he wasn't even on the call, he just kind of heard about it. And I was like, why coward? I was scared. And he's like, well, what are you gonna do next time? And I was like, next time I'm gonna step up. He was like, good. And that was something where he could have absolutely, they could have thrown me off the team and uh, I told him I didn't wanna do hazmat and, uh, as we'll get into it later.

Like, I now have my own, I'm part of the hiring. Yeah. It's, and that's where that is, that's a great leader and mentor. Yeah. Um, that changed, truly changed the trajectory of my life. 

TJ: And it's interesting that you mentioned that having that, that sort of leader and that sort of mentor, because I will give you my experience that was totally different.

I fucked up royally at a fire and we had a detail officer. And by the time my regularly assigned, you know, your regularly scheduled officer came back, there was no, Hey, let's talk about what happened. Hey, tell me what you did. Tell me what you didn't do. What His mind was already set. Everything was already done.

There was no input on my side. There were, the grapevine was already working full steam ahead. Behind the scenes there, like things that, that, you know, they start taking a life of their own. And, um, while I didn't have that leadership from that officer, because he just wrote me off immediately, the senior guy who was driving me at the time, literally like stormed into that office and was like, you fuck heads are not even giving him a chance to explain what happened.

And you're all riding him off. You're all pieces of shit. And, uh, maybe not the best approach. But I really appreciate that because leadership comes from so many different flavors. And that was a moment of leadership where I was able to look at that man and be like, you know what? You will have my back. If I fuck up, you're gonna teach me through it.

And he did on scene that night. He, he pulled me aside and we talked and, well, he did all the talking. I mostly just salted because I had fucked up. But it's, um, it's awesome to have somebody that will pull you aside like you had and talk to you and say, okay, as long as we are clear on the expectations, as long as we are all on the same page, let's go.

Because we can't get in our time machine and fix the past. So let's go to, um, let's go to Go Rock, because I think that's. Defining of who you are. I, we met at the, um, 

Ralph: oh, more so than you know, 'cause I think I'm going to surprise you with the answer I give. 

TJ: Oh God. You're gonna tell me you hate physical fitness and this whole thing's gonna fall apart.

It was, I think it was Baldricks 2015 that we met, because I feel that was our biggest event ever when it was cold, snowy, rainy, sleety. Um, and when I got to know you after the fact, I just remember thinking, oh yeah, he was, took to this event like a pig to mud. Like he loves this kind of shit. Is this how you approach life?

Is, is this like, is this indicative of how you look at things? 

Ralph: Uh, I would say it's what I've grown to Noah his life. And this is where, um. Like some interesting facts about me are I, I was a hypochondriac growing up. I was scared of thunderstorms. I was, uh, you know, I was a wreck. Um, anxiety really ran my life for a long period of time.

And the reason I, uh, another reason I got into fire service in hazmat was education was kind of my, the more I know the more power I could have. And, uh, for me it's just been I need to attack what I'm afraid of. So if I'm going fully at something, it's probably 'cause I have an underlying fear of it. And that's, that's really a big drive.

So for the goruck, cancer scares the bejesus outta me. And, um, you know, I think there, there's a balance. It's a, you know. And my cousin actually was a St. Baldrick's kid, and she is now, I, I think my aunt was telling me this, she has survived more chemo than anyone else still alive. Jesus. Um, she started battling at age 14 and she just turned 32.

And I mean, she still has to, because again, chemo is poison. And, uh, her name is Bridget David. And she is, she is another reason that I just have immense respect because we would talk on the phone, I'd be like, Hey, bridge, how you doing? Oh, I'm good. How are you? And I'd be like, oh, I can't complain. She's like, no, no, go ahead.

And I'm like, Bridget, I love you. You've been battling cancer for X amount of years. Um, I'm never, I'm never going to complain to you. But, uh, so I knew, you know, St. Baldricks has a special place in my heart and my family's heart because I've seen, seen actually where that money goes. 

TJ: Um, well, tell us more about St.

Baldricks. 'cause I, we haven't really talked about it on the podcast and it's, it's a big part for a lot of our lives. So explain to the listeners, if you will. Oh man. Me on spot. 

Ralph: I didn't do any prep for this, but you've done enough events. 

TJ: You should know this. 

Ralph: I feel like, uh, I, I hope I do it justice. It's a, uh, a kids' cancer foundation and they have sponsor kids.

She was actually a sponsor kid for Georgetown University's medical center at one point. But basically it's, it's raising money, doing. Uh, shaving your head, you grow your hair out and again, like you and I kind of, we can't help much. I've, I've been losing that battle for a long time. Um, so I, people are like you, you know, you don't have the hair on the back of your head, right?

It's all on the sides and the Yeah. Um, but you basically grow your hair out and then, uh, go ruck does, does the, um, the light rucks, the three, four hour rucks, and that was just an absolute blast. And so St. Baldrick's is basically, you sponsor a kid and it's not necessarily make a wish, but it, it definitely, like they sent my, they sent my family to, um, Japan and, uh, not me, but 

TJ: For treatment or for fun?

Ralph: No, for, for like fun because she was nice. Borderline Make-A-Wish. Um, so they sent my aunt, my uncle, and my two cousins, and, um. You know, that, like I said, it was, there was numerous times it was touch and go. And, uh, she's still still here. And I'm actually, I'll be flying down to, uh, Florida to see them, uh, in, uh, August.

So 

TJ: yeah, the intersection of GORUCK in St. Baldricks is a pretty unique one because on the Goro side of things, it's that whole, you know, special forces led beat down session, carry weighted stuff all over, city, get yelled at, yada, yada, yada. And that's a place where a lot of us met and we're like, oh, we are surrounded by fellow idiots who see the world the same way and enjoy the same suffering.

And then St. Baldricks, like you said, is not quite make a wish, but it's basically raising money for children's cancer research because it is severely underfunded. And I mean, hats off to Dave Smith outta dc. He was here on episodes 2025 and 26, so he was one of the OG ones, but he managed to merge both things.

He's like, we're gonna do a GORUCK event before the St Baldricks event. And I think we did it for consistently for 10 years. And I believe that every year, at a minimum, our group would raise a hundred thousand plus dollars. So if you do the math, I think all combined, we've, we've done a, at least a million in, in that 10 year span, which 

Ralph: I wanna say you and Dave raised about 

TJ: 500 K, just the two of you.

It was mostly Dave. That, that dude is good at, um, at getting that. And he can grow a mane like no other. The rest of us are just struggling. But it was awesome. It was, it felt like getting beat down in the brutal winter. For a good cause and no point. No point. And when they had the kid 

Ralph: and when they had the kids there, you, you, that's when you really were like, oh, I'm just gonna suck it up buttercup, because this kid's going through chemo at age whatever, 7, 8, 9, um, or younger, uh, with, I remember her face.

I, yeah, I remember Hannah and she loves star jumps. To this day, I think I still 

TJ: star first. I'm like, dude, I'm dying. But I can't say a damn thing because this child is an absolute hero. And that's how a lot of us met. And, um, it's, it's, I I wanna call it a, a well-kept secret, at least for our community in this area, in the fire service because we, um, we did a lot of things and it wasn't very boastful.

It was just like, yeah, we're, this is cool. This is, this is pretty badass. No, 

Ralph: it was, it was very cool. So, uh, what I was gonna share is, um, I did, I went to go do a gor challenge. And actually, so Rummy, who you mm-hmm. We did that GORUCK in, uh, in Locust Point. In Baltimore? Yeah, in Baltimore. Um, I, we did one, we were supposed to do one in Annapolis.

We did one in Annapolis. And I quit like two hours into the, to the actual challenge. No. Yes, I did. And, uh, I, you wanna talk about I got cold, I got scared. And that is where you, you know, you learn a lot about yourself and, uh, I remember having to walk back to where my car wasn't even there. I had to call my wife at like one o'clock in the morning to come pick me up and you wanna talk about shame and, and everything.

And, uh, I just remember being so upset with myself that I quit and I, uh, I'm happy to say I came back and did another one. Um. And I did a Baltimore one, so I was able to complete a challenge. But, uh, that is where, again, where I have, I think if you look at, it's so easy to look at people's successes. And we've talked about this and I, I said this to you earlier, 90% of what I've been able to accomplish is on the shoulders of others.

And I've been very blessed that recently I've had some really cool wins and accomplishments, but there is a lot of failures behind those. And I try to, I try to also share those. I, I do try to share, I do share them because I don't want that Instagram, uh, Facebook facade life where people think it's perfect.

It's like, nah, there's been plenty of valleys and plenty of failures, um, throughout my time, and that makes me who I am. But again, I've been blessed enough where. Uh, for the most part I've had good leaders or good people around me, yourself included, um, who have been like, dude, this is a valley you're gonna pull through.

And um, that's what's helped me grow to new heights. And that's what drives me too, is I want to bring people along with me. And like I said, it, when you can fail and then come back, it's, that makes the accomplishment even better. And that's why that morning when the sun was rising on Federal Hill and I got to shake cadre, Rob's hand, um, you know, that was, I still have that picture.

And it, you know, from the failure of the first one. Yeah. And embarrassment. It was, it made that one that much sweeter. 

TJ: It's not even the event, it's the fact that you were able to surpass that previous obstacle that took you down. Like you could have replaced that scene with any, any sort of other thing at any sort of other comeback, your rocky scene almost.

And um, just being able to get past that. 'cause when you go through it again after failing, it's something you have that, that, that, that extra weight, you're like, oh, this is where I fucked up before. Oh, this is gonna prove whether or not I'm good. Like, am I just a continuous failure or, and I think having those leaders is, well, we keep using the word leader and we're not gonna circle jerk this into some like leadership episode, but having the people who, who help you through those valleys and that darkness is.

It is paramount. And I I like what you said that, like it what you accomplishes on the shoulders of the people around you, which almost takes us perfectly to the next question that, that I wanted to get into. And that's dealing with the long, arduous, painful process of getting promoted to captain, which happened recently.

And you've told me how you found some new friends, some new brothers, and you lost some along the process. So let's focus on the people aspect of this process and tell me more. 

Ralph: Yeah. So, um, I, we just had our, we, I shouldn't say we just, we had our captains process recently, um, and. I did, I did well. But that is, again, it goes back to, this was on the back of others who pushed me and we helped each other.

And anyone who's prepping for a promotional process, the one piece of advice that I would give you is find people who are gonna bring out the best in you and realize that while it, you can call it a competition, it is also by you making each other better, is just gonna make the department and the process better.

So, um, some guys that I reached out to, to confirm that they were okay with me sharing their names on this as shout outs, um, some people that I'm truly grateful for and, uh, I'll start with, um, Brian Christopher, who he was instrumental in texting me questions and scenarios and us running stuff back and forth and, um.

Steve, Len Hall, another guy, uh, who I would say before the process, and I've said this to him and I've said this to others before the process, I kind of like knew him and I was just kind of like, ah, Steve, I love that man. Um, I love all the guys I'm gonna mention right now. Because it was a support network.

It was everybody was positive instead of dragging each other down. Um, Adam Mayock, uh, Cecil Bradley and Matt Arts and all those guys also did very well. And I think it was because there was people that we had done, um, uh, again, if you're doing a promotional process, I'm gonna give a shout out and I have no, uh, financial obligation or ties to this, but ever safe promotional.

Um, they were, they were just, we were all part of this group and. There was about 15 or 20. And I would say that there were some people who were really kind of nasty going through that process and kind of tried to tear each other down. And they did a, a lot of them didn't do that well. And that's not to throw shade, it's just when you realize that you're trying to build each other up, you're gonna go a lot further.

And, um, I, I truly encourage people to be like, yes, it's a competition, but at the end of the day, we're all playing for the same team. And if you approach it with that mindset, you're gonna be a lot more successful. And, and that's not to say that because this is where like things can get twisted and I'm, I'm sure it will.

And there's people who are absolutely great people who didn't do fantastic. And that's not to say that it was by a, like there's always stuff that happens and I, there's plenty of people who I actually have talked to them and they're like, you know me. 'cause I'm like, I can't believe this happened. And they're like, well, you know me on a personal level, that's why you're saying this.

And I, I, there's a lot of people who also, and I, I didn't talk to them before speaking, so I'm not gonna mention them names, but like, they did not do as well as I would've hoped because I love serving with them. And they will, they will in the next round, or, you know, they, they're great people and they will be successful.

'cause I love seeing, and I think we shared this, I love seeing good people be successful and like this with what you do right here. We've talked about it. I, I love it because it's, I know your heart and what drives you and, you know, so what makes sense of 

squadcast_session_hvdk3ZS9YflJIOrymDcZ_1753368791237: people? 

Ralph: Oh, that's a, okay. I feel like I'm a, I'm, I feel like I'm being interviewed.

I think what makes. It, it, it's truly, uh, and this is where I am a man of faith, and we haven't really discussed this much. And I'm, I'm not trying to go down this, I'll say it this way. I'm a man of faith and one of the most important things to me is treat people how you wanna be treated. It's, you know, and that doesn't mean just being nice.

It is, are you, are you actually looking out for the good overall? And not that it has to be self-sacrificing, but like these guys I went through this process with when I was successful, they were cheering for me. And there was other people who I thought were, um, brothers and sisters, and they did not cheer for me when I was successful.

And it hurt. It still does. And uh, there's people that I thought, again, we're friends and. The, some of the stuff that's come back to me is it, it, it's hurt, it hurts. Why? 'cause I trusted these people. Um, 'cause I didn't think it was like that. I, I thought it, I, I have an expectation of the brotherhood and sisterhood and, you know, this is where I've had people, numerous people call me and be like, Hey, you should not be sharing this information with so and so.

You're too trusting. And if there's, I, I got told that earlier this morning. Like, you're too trusting. You know? And I, I want to trust that people are inherently good. I they are overwhelmingly, and we talked about this kind of earlier too. It's all about perspective. And there was people who thought I was throwing shade at them.

And the fact is I was like, I never even, I, I'll say this part of it was wrong. I wasn't thinking about them when I was posting stuff. I was happy and wanted to celebrate. But my celebration hurt them. And that's where it's this weird dichotomy of to what aspect, right? Should I not celebrate a victory versus, you know, I was like, I wasn't even thinking about you.

Or somebody was like, yeah, I thought it was a little weird. You posted, you know, this success. And I was like, well, I'm also trying to do a business, so I need to broadcast myself. And they were like, oh, I didn't even think about that. That makes, and, and I'm like, yeah, I'm not thinking about 15 other people.

Excuse me. I wanted to share this with my friend's, family, and hey, by the way, I would like to be successful in this other realm too. So, uh, it, it was, it was very enlightening. And that's where, again, checking my own ego, um, because there is, there is that part of it. And it was good and healthy in, in a few different ways.

But these guys, like I said, uh, Brian, Steve, Adam, these guys were like. Don't listen to the haters. Um, they were cheering for me the entire time, and I cheer for them and I really look forward to continue to serve with them because I, their hearts are just in the right place. And there's plenty of people, again, who maybe didn't do as well, but 100% I, I will go into battle with them.

Follow them. And, uh, yeah.

TJ: I wanna keep unpacking this because I remember it all stemmed from a post on social media that is pretty innocuous in my mind. Everybody likes to post their wins. That's literally, literally the point of social media, self-serving, circle jerks. Okay, let's get that out there.

Why do you think that you need to modulate yourself? For the appeasement of others when, as we've established the whole point of our social media is that self-serving thing. And I say that without perspective of the people who are coming to you and saying, Hey, Ralph, you shouldn't have posted that. They are basically saying, sir, I need you to mold your approach to life based on my observations and my opinions and my thoughts, which to me is absolutely ridiculous.

Like when people say, well, things should be this way, I'm like, oh, thank you, sir. I'm glad that you are putting your expectations on a universe that frankly does not give a shit about us. So,

Ralph: all right, I'll try to, I'll, I'll try to answer that and, and again, this is where we talked about being raw and real, and I hope you know that I will be. 

TJ: Without getting fired.

Ralph: I, you are right in what you're saying. This to me was also a growth opportunity to take a step back and, you know, man, the more humility that is delivered to me in life lessons, the more I just, um, Ted lasso, be curious, not judgmental, also Walt Whitman for those, but I really have tried to take a step back, not always, and I definitely still struggle with this and say, okay, be curious about this.

Why is somebody approaching this way? And, um, just recently, I, I don't think I should have to tailor it to that. Um. My wins. But there is an aspect that yeah, you're going to always hurt people. And it's, if my overall goal is not to hurt people and I don't want people to feel that way, like I, I don't wanna feel it.

It goes back to what I said earlier. I wanna treat people the way I wanna be treated. And something you said to me, um, way back in the day actually, and I think we were discussing this, is nobody throws shade. Nobody throws shade on you. Who's doing better than you? And that has also driven me where I take a look at some people who have been angry with me or whatnot.

And it's not everybody. There's plenty of people who have done better than me, but I don't want to do that to anyone else. And the caliber of people I went up against in this captains process was, was top notch. And I remember looking at the list of people. Which was close to I think 40, 45 people, and I was like, oh my gosh, if I finish in the top 10, it'll be a miracle.

And I, I was, so, the journey and everything else that went through, I was just so excited that I, I, you know, it was, it was an, it was, again, in retrospect, it was an impulsive post, which isn't a bad thing. But in retrospect, I would've done it slightly different. And that's why I posted like the apology post, which then pissed off the people who were excited for me.

TJ: Oh, I was fear, I about threw my phone out the window. I saw that. I'm like this motherfucker. 

Ralph: Oh man. That was almost the more comical part is people being upset about my reposting or my, you know, 

TJ: I'm like, you apologize for nothing, sir. You take your wins.