086. Don’t Take the Fire Service So Seriously [Part 2]

Want to be the calm one when everything goes sideways? This is how you build that. Captain Brian Yonkin talks speaking up, handling imposter thoughts, and using systems to sharpen leadership instead of guessing. Then he tells the story of rolling up on a working fire… and finding out there’s a second fire down the street. If you want to lead under pressure without losing your head, this episode gives you tools you can use as early as next shift.

What You’ll Learn:

• How Brian trains himself to speak up and handle conflict without blowing up
• What his “imposter syndrome” warning sign is—and how he shuts it down early
• How to set goals without the “New Year, new me” nonsense (and actually follow through)
• How trust in your crew is built—and why it matters when you have to make fast calls
• Three non-negotiables for being a strong firefighter in 2026: train, relax, and have a life outside the job

If you’re a firefighter who wants to lead better, stay sharper, and not let the job eat your life… this one’s for you.

Being consistent at the gym is non-negotiable. Fit For Service holds you accountable AND give you results. Check it out at https://keepthepromisefire.com

Transcript

TJ: Today we've got Captain Brian Yonkin back on the Keep the Promise Podcast, and this one is a masterclass in how a good firefighter becomes a better leader without turning into a robot or an ego monster. We start with something small that turns out to be huge. Brian talks about dropping the belief that he has to let people talk over him and how he's been putting himself in uncomfortable situations on purpose, just to get better at speaking up and having hard conversations.

And from there we slide right into what a lot of us actually struggle with in imposter thoughts, command nerves, and what it looks like to recognize the warning signs before you spiral.

Then we get into the stuff you're gonna wanna replay. Brian breaks down the systems he uses for the fire ground, for leadership and for personal accountability because he's not doing New Year new me. Instead, he's doing quarterly goals, honest reflection, and a lot of reps.

In the highlight of the episode, Brian tells a story of showing up to a working fire and realizing there's a second fire down the street. Two incidents, one crew split. Second decisions, and what trust in your people actually looks like when it matters.

We close with these non-negotiables for being a solid firefighter in 2026. Gym consistency, learning to actually relax and building a life outside the job. Plus some real talk about raising kids and owning your mistakes. If you want practical leadership tools, mindset work that isn't corny and stories that hit home, you're in the right place.

Let's get into it.

Speaker: Welcome to the Keep the Promise Podcast, where we help build resilient and well-rounded firefighters.

TJ: This is why I do podcasts, just audio wise and not video, because that's the shit that happens. Okay, we're back. So we're talking about a belief that you dropped

Brian: Yes.

TJ: In the recent past, which was the belief that you had to let others walk over you and talk over you, and now you're like, nah, fuck it either.

They figure it out, or I tell them plain and simple,

Brian: Yeah. So I, um, I'm not sure where you wanna come back at, but yeah, just like put myself in weird situations to make myself speak up more, to.

TJ: Which kind of weird situations.

Brian: So I play, uh, like a war game, like a tabletop war game. And then sometimes the rules don't add up and um, ' cause your interpretation of the rule and my interpretation of the rule might be different. So if you don't speak up, you're gonna obviously lose that little, interaction. So, um. And it's typically who I'm playing against is not necessarily the type A personalities that I'm used to at the firehouse.

So it's much easier to get practice talking to those people, be like, Hey, I don't, I don't think that's right. So,

TJ: Steam steamrolling them. You get back to the firehouse, you're like, man, I picked on a bunch of nerds. It is over for you

Brian: no, I don't typically, I pick on some of the guys that I know, I'm just like. Because they just don't know how to handle it. And it's, that should, 'cause I can't do that at work anymore 'cause I'm a boss, so it's I gotta get that, I gotta get that out someplace. So I take it out on my friends and at the nerd show.

So yeah, that's fun. But right, I do pick on them, but I don't want, in those situations I'm like, I don't think that's right. Or whatever. I don't believe you. Or can you show me that? It forces you to like. Step up and talk about it. So that makes easier conversations at work easier to like, bring up or whatever, or talk or just being like, Hey, I need to talk to you, and take somebody in your office and have a chat with them.

Hey, this is, tell me what happened with this. Give them, let them have their side of the story so that they can feel like they're heard or whatever. And then I can ask questions about it. And then I'm be like, Hey, uh, yeah, we're not doing anymore. This is why. And they go, okay, that makes sense.

Or if I have to talk to other officers on other shifts, I've had to do that once or twice. I go, Hey, just so you know, we're getting this sort of thing happening. Um, tell me about your side of it. One, if I can, I, I know these guys well enough, or I've, I've done it enough. I can read people pretty well.

My dad taught me how to do that. So it's like, is he looking,

TJ: or subconsciously.

Brian: he taught me, subconsciously, he taught me how to do it. Hey, if this person is doing this, they're lying to you. Like if they look over into the left, they're, or over into the, over down into the left.

TJ: Is that

Brian: It is true.

TJ: that scientifically true?

Brian: scientifically true.

And they'll do other stuff too. Or if they're looking up here,

TJ: you've been looking down to the left the entire time.

Brian: yeah, this is cre, this is like, I'm thinking about stuff. This is online. Uh, this is me remembering if I'm looking up to the right, sorry. If I'm looking up to the left, I'm thinking about something creative. This is me. Anywhere to the left is you're using your creative side of your brain anywhere to your right.

You're using your logical side of your brain. And if it's down to the right. You're thinking of feelings or, uh, it's connected to feelings or if you're looking up to the right, you're thinking of, things that you already know to be true. And then people hide their face when they talk, they're like, 'cause they won't want you to see if they're lying.

They, they do like, they put their hands in front of their mouth. Some sort of inside of their face, or they'll hide their, they'll do something like this. They'll put their shirt in front of their face, whatever. Just like little stuff like this is a closed off, but it also, this, I don't wanna talk to you if I'm crossing my arms.

This also means that I'm thinking very deeply. So it really just depends on the conversation. Stuff like that. By language, I can see their tone of voice. Are they stuttering? I love having personal conversations with other people when I'm having conflict that I'm initiating. Right. Because, um, if they're initiating, you kinda have to be, you kinda have to put up the, Hey, I'm on your side kind of thing.

Put your hands up like, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't hit me. Like the, I'm having my hands up, I'm defending myself thing. I'm on your team. You know what I mean? Be like, and that kind of diffuses them or whatever. So, but if I'm going to have a conversation with. One of the other officers in my firehouse, you know, I like to ask them questions and I like to see how they react to that.

So I know if they're one, if they're lying to me and if they're telling me the truth and we can work together much better if they're telling me the truth or I have to figure out other ways around it if they're lying to me. Um, and just ha knowing how to talk to other people. I've done a lot of. Psychology tests. I think there are behavioral tests or whatever. Uh, we may have talked about this before, I can't remember, but, um, there are, certain. Like behavioral tests or personality tests you can take to know what you are.

And then that kind of helps you communicate with other people more effectively. Like I'm very direct when I communicate. Most people don't like that, right? So I have to learn if they don't like it, and then I have to learn how to communicate with them more effectively, or right. I could just be the guy and be like, well, you have to deal with me.

So. Where in some certain c certain circumstances that is okay. Some of those circumstances are not. Learning to judge between the two is very difficult and it takes experience. But but I had to learn how to communicate like that because I don't interrupt people you know what I mean? So, I mean, I do, I know how to do it ' cause I lived with my brother and my father for so long.

I don't like to do it. I will if I have to, but. It takes a lot of energy. Did I answer your question?

TJ: Feels, oh we went down a bunch of different rabbit holes, but Yes.

Brian: Okay, good.

TJ: We'll pick on your brother later. Let's go. Let's go back to the imposter syndrome conversation that we had. Do you still get those thoughts or are you better at recognizing those and just kind of pushing them down before they even sprout?

Brian: Yeah, I think that's normal. I've found that it's, I've everybody, I talk to you either like you have those or you suppress them really easily. You go yeah, you fake it till you make it. That's why there's a saying call that, especially if you don't have any training for any of these situations, right?

You get thrown into this crazy situation where you're in charge of people, all of a sudden you don't know what to do. You could have some training and you could have the weirdest situation happen, and you have to figure it out, right? You're not gonna know what to do. But the more you do it, the better you're gonna get at it and the less of a imposter you feel, I suppose.

But, um. Yeah, I still get those every once in a while, but I kind of just shove 'em away. Uh, I was talking to my wife about it earlier and she kind of joked and I was like, and I joked with her back. I was like, yeah, you ever hear of uh, a thing called anxiety? That's an imposter syndrome where your heart starts to race and you think that you're, something bad is gonna happen.

Just stuff it away until later, you know?

TJ: I thought that was an everyday thing.

Brian: What's that?

TJ: It's not imposter syndrome, that's

Brian: It's baseline. Yeah. I've had too much coffee today. It's making it worse.

TJ: my favorite. The people that are meaning their best and they're like, have you tried just not being anxious? And you're like, 

Brian: no.

TJ: No. It didn't occur to me to stop trying being

Brian: Yeah, I didn't think of that. What a great idea.

TJ: duh. Is there like an early warning sign when you start feeling that way that you know, Hey, let me, let me crush this thought before it gets outta control. In an ideal world, it'd be awesome if we had that flashing light that says, you are about to feel like an

Brian: Yeah.

TJ: and you can be like,

Brian: I found out that the shifts before I was gonna be battalion chief, like I knew I was gonna be in the car running command, like I didn't sleep good. That's just 'cause I wanted, I think because I want to do well. I don't wanna like do something stupid or say something stupid or, you know what I mean?

It's not necessarily because I think I'm gonna not do well at it or whatever. It just, I have high expectations for myself and I don't want to be. Quote, unquote, a failure. So not sleeping well, you know what I mean? Like is definitely an anxiety thing for me. That, that I've learned is just a me thing.

It could be for other people too, but I, that's about it. That's the only thing I'm aware of. I'm sure there's other signs of it, but, uh, I'm, I think that's it. 

TJ: So when you don't get enough sleep the night before, you're just kind of primed, like, okay, this is, let's be cognizant of who I am, what I'm capable of, and not let these thoughts get outta control.

Brian: And then, uh, what can I do to make sure that I'm better prepared? So, signed up for a class command class through leadership under fire. Fire up here in.

TJ: solid.

Brian: it's like a retreat or whatever. I think.

I think the department's gonna pay for it, for me to go, so that's gonna be good. Just like doing stuff like that is should help.

Um, for watching videos and being running little scenarios or whatever, just little things. What else am I supposed to do? I gotta run calls and then I don't do that very often when I'm in the car, so,

TJ: Yeah, leadership under fire is solid. I got lucky enough to go to one of their conferences in, um, I think it was 2019, and, being there looking around, like these people are incredible. Like the conversations the. The thoughts that they made, you think you're like, fuck, this is

Brian: Yeah it's next level, cognitive training. I think. I. Should be, their courses should be like college courses. That's how good they are. I think so.

TJ: With the same like tuition cost for books and everything.

Brian: But most of the stuff they have you do is like free online, so like the resources. So it's like, I don't know what they're gonna plan on doing. It would be cool, but we'll see.

TJ: Speaking of books, the cookbook, the, you talked about how, oh, you got a copy of

Brian: it's up, please. It's on the shelf. Yeah, there it's.

TJ: Ha. Has your view on that book changed as the time has gone on? Because when we talked about it, you viewed it as more than a recipe book. It was sort of like, like an essential firehouse book in terms of. Leading people in terms of how to approach interpersonal relationship in the firehouse in terms of the mindset.

Do you still feel that way

Brian: Yeah. I do. I don't think that'll ever change. I think the only thing that I, have changed my opinion on is probably the writing inside of it. It could be a little bit tighter. And my wife, who just went through, uh, some college courses I'm writing has, uh, edited for me, so it should be better the next time someone buys it.

So.

TJ: Oh, good second edition.

Brian: Not necessarily second edition, it's just edited. So I guess that's second edition. Is that what that's called? I dunno.

TJ: I think it's whatever you

Brian: That's true. Fair.

TJ: Okay. But now that you're the boss, are you still getting in there? In the kitchen.

Brian: They ask, when they ask me to cook, I cook. We have a lot of good cooks in our firehouse. They don't necessarily need me to cook all the time, so when they ask me to, I do.

TJ: What was the last thing you cooked when they asked

Brian: They always ask me to make the London bro with, uh, the blue cheese sauce. It's like the highly requested meal that I make. They just love it. It's delicious. So I'm okay with making it and it's relatively cheap, so

TJ: That's what you, that's what you need.

Brian: Cheap sauce.

TJ: delicious, and can feed everyone.

Brian: man. It only takes four, five minutes to make, so it's real good.

TJ: Yeah. Damn. That's solid.

Still talk about leadership and still talk about the kitchen. 'cause you compare a kitchen, kitchen system, I guess we can call it to a firehouse chain of command, albeit a lot more unofficial. What's at least one lesson from the kitchen that can translate? To the fire service, especially for officers that some may miss.

Brian: Yeah, I was talking to my wife about this the earlier, and I, uh, I think I wrote an article about it in Fireman Ship Days, but it's your fault. Everything in the firehouse is your fault. You are in charge. If things go well, it's your fault. If things go bad, it's your fault, right? You gotta be able to take, responsibility for whatever happens, and if you're okay with some bullshit happening, says a little more about your leadership skills or your leadership characteristics than anything else.

So.

TJ: And again, that's another thing that translates through so many different. Domains, if you will, because it's true in the kitchen, it's true in the fire service, and that's going back to business. One of those business lessons that you learn quickly is that wherever you point the finger, whatever you blame is what has power.

So if you want to do better in life, you just have to be like, everything is my fault. It is my responsibility. I can't sit here and be like, oh, this didn't go well. Somebody sabotaged it, or people hate me. Nope. I didn't do something and that's why it didn't pan out. I missed something and that's why it didn't work. It's interesting. It's interesting how many of life's lessons we can just bring down from so many unrelated worlds, and they're all the same.

Brian: Everything con, everything's connected. Humans think the same way regardless of where, what profession you work in or where you live, or we're all. Primitive Primi the same, right? We all have the same needs and wants the hierarchy of uh, of uh oh, there's a psychological hierarchy, like Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Yes, thank you. Like all those things. If those basic things aren't safety food, you know, like security. The second step never goes up. You never make it to the second step. And if you wanna make to the highest step of that hierarchy of needs, like, it's never gonna happen.

So, um, everybody is wired that way. It's in lots of textbooks for a reason. So, um, yeah, I don't know. I was going with that. It's kinda lost it.

TJ: That's fine. Let's keep on moving. Let's talk about fires. Let's talk about tough fires or extrications or whatever you have any good ones Recently 

Brian: we, it wasn't nec, I wouldn't say necessarily it was real good, but we had a fire that occurred a couple blocks from our firehouse. It was during the day, I think it was like one o'clock or noon. Um, and. As we're going there, you could see that it was on fire right there. There was a header or a column, whatever you wanna call it.

Obviously there it's burning. So we turn the corner and you could see the fire in the first floor of a three story single wood frame. We get out, I walk around the, the, the tower ladder. 'cause we were in the tower ladder that day 'cause the ladder truck was outta service. And then I met with one of my other guys.

They go, Hey. Cops say there's another fire down the street. And I, I looked down the street, a couple, half a block down and across the street you could see that there was a fire in another building. And the cop was trying to mule kick the door. I was like, first I yelled at him, I was like, Hey, don't do that.

Down the street, stop or whatever it was. And then I had to quickly assess the situation. At the current fire and then be like, can I strip one or two dudes from this one to go to that one? Because obviously this is a single, the other one was in the middle of a row. A row is much more harder to get a handle of, uh, the single, if it gets away from us, it's just staying there.

Right. Although I didn't think that was gonna happen, it would've just been, there's a lot more opportunity for exposures and issues on the other fire than there is on this one. Saw the guys working on getting the door open. Uh, and we had, I was four in the truck and four in the engine that day.

So I was like, I told one of the senior dudes on the truck with me, I was like, Hey, you got this one. I'm taking one of the other guys and we're going to the other one. He's like, all so I got the other one, and, uh, he didn't have his helmet on. The whole conversation was like, Hey, where's your helmet?

And he's like, oh shit. And then I was like, you're coming with me to go pull another line to the one down the street? And he's like, oh, okay. So he get his helmet and he pulls the line. And then Bain and I, I think gets there. He takes over the command or whatever. And um, we put, basically put two fires out at the same time.

One was a room and contents fire, and the other one was like a, just a contents fire. It was like, some drapes and some trash on the floor for the second one, but the other one was like a mattress in the room. But effectively we put them both out at the same time. And I, after, I noticed afterwards walking around to both of the scenes, 'cause it was relatively close 'cause it was like half a block away from each other, I was like still trying to figure out what had happened.

And I was like, just my, the whole processing in my brain like, we did this, we did that, everything's fine. And I was just like, that was. That was insane. Like, I didn't think that was ever gonna happen. Like I've been to fire, I've been to a fire, gotten back to the firehouse or left the fire to go to a different firehouse, but I'd never or gone to another fire.

But I'd never been at two fires at once. And, uh, I was like, my brain just couldn't wrap my head around it. And um, and when I got home later that day, I was exhausted. 'cause my brain was just like. Going miles a minute trying to process everything. And I was like, wow, that was interesting. It's probably good that happened now instead of when I was younger.

So, uh, but going through my questions, like I had noticed when I yelled at the senior guy at the truck, like I yelled at him and I don't typically yell. Like I heard my voice crackle. ' cause that, man, I was stressed out and then I was like, you know, I took a breath and I was like, Hey, we're doing this. You do this, we're doing this.

He's like, okay. So I recognized that had I continued to yell at him, he probably would've been stressed out and wouldn't have been able to like handle that one himself. He did fine. He was like, he tried to he's, he told me he tried to talk on the radio and he's not used to doing it 'cause he's usually in the roof.

But um. And I was like, yeah, I wouldn't worry about that. It's like that, that's never gonna happen again. For one, hopefully. And uh, I think he did fine. He was an officer at a different fire department and then came to our fire department, so I knew he could do it. It wasn't even a question. I was just like, you got this, I'm going over here.

You know what I mean? He just was out of practice but. It wasn't anything that we couldn't handle, and it was like we put both the fire fires out before any other fire trucks from the other fire stations came. So we also kinda like, we're pretty proud of ourselves about it, but, uh, it was just crazy.

There was a dude, like, like the cops caught a guy, the guy that set the fires like out the back and like. Just the whole situation was messed up. He, he set both of these fires and then like got caught. It was like, it was intense. And then we went to a fire like the couple days later in the same block or the same area, his girlfriend set a fire.

So it was just like, yeah,

TJ: They're meant to be.

Brian: I guess.

TJ: Dear

Brian: that, that one was intense too. But um, but yeah, it was just like the mental load of, um, the, the stress, which was not. Not manageable at the time. It was just like, holy shit, that just happened. You know what I mean? And had I not, I think prepared for evolving situations with doing some of the things that I do outside of work, I think it would've been much, much harder.

I probably would've been flipped out. I probably would've been like, I'm not worried about that one or whatever. But, the quicker you can min minimize those issues, right. The faster things get better for everybody. So, I had a competent engine guy, I had a competent truck guy on the first one, and I had a relatively competent dude come with me.

You know what I mean? He's got like one or he's got three years or so. So, and he's put out some fire, so I know he could do it. So it's just he didn't have his helmet on, so I was like, okay, is his head in the game today or whatever. But he was just excited we were gonna fire, I think. But you know, people make mistakes and I yelled, so it's like I made a mistake too.

So, um, nobody's perfect, so you know what I mean? So

TJ: Do you ever watch the show Generation

Brian: no.

TJ: There's one episode where they're tasked with taking an airfield and they're like, dude, we're gonna get shredded. Like it's just a bunch of dudes in Humvees. This is gonna be horrendous. And they rush it. Nothing happens, but they're looking around like we just.

Took a whole fucking airfield and one of the dudes looks around and he's like, calm K. He's like, gentlemen, that was pretty

Brian: Yeah, that's pretty good Gangster.

TJ: So I can only imagine that's what you guys were feeling at the

Brian: That was, yeah. Yeah, for a hundred percent. That's definitely what it felt like.

TJ: What sort of. Trust in your people. Do you have to have to make that quick split second decision? Say, this person goes here, this one goes there as you're facing two incidents at the same time where you're splitting your crew,

Brian: Yeah. I.

TJ: or is that any different from when you as a truck company are splitting into inside and outside teams?

Brian: I think you just, that's a good question. I don't know how to phrase that in a way that would make sense. Um, I just, I've worked with these guys long enough that I know what they're gonna do and I don't have to worry about it. If they. It would probably be different if they would make silly mistakes a lot.

You know what I mean? But they're, they're super confident. They stretch hose good or they stretch hose, well, excuse me. Um, they cut holes, root roofs where they're supposed to be. They force doors like they're supposed to. They search buildings like they're supposed to, you know, they advance hoes like they're supposed to. You know, their a hundred percent might not be my a hundred percent, but they do what needs to be done. So I, you can't really ask for much more as a boss. And we have a good time, you know, we hang out sometimes after work, which is good. We joke with each other. We don't try to like solve the fire department's issues all the time.

We just kind of like have a good time and it's great. So I think when you personalize. Relationships or you make relationships the priority. I think you can be like, yeah, this dude's gonna do what I ask him to do. Or he knows that I'm, if he, he's he, he's not gonna say no because he knows that I have his back in case he messes up or whatever.

You know what I mean? Stuff like that. People know that I'm gonna take care of 'em if they might do something wrong. There's a lot to this question that I haven't really thought about. Um, yeah, that's a good

TJ: Let me add some more to it. So you're standing there, you realize, what do you have in front of you? Do you look back at the decision and go, holy shit, I made it super quickly, or do you feel like it took you a while? Because I think we've both been in those situations that you look back and you're like, I don't even know why I decided to go that way.

It was just like that muscle memory or that instinct or training kicked in and I just. Said or did what I had to do, and it happened and it worked out well versus those times that you're like, fuck, man. I hesitated and I sat and I thought too much. Which path did you

Brian: Uh, I think those, I don't typically make decisions on the fire ground. I've noticed this with myself. I don't typically make them, I don't hem and haw about a decision. I go, okay, this is what we're doing. And it's more, it feels, it's. I, what I found is it's more instinct than anything. Be it training, reading books, listening to other people, listening to other fires knowing what I have in front of me versus what I might not know about where I'm at currently, where things are at, how dudes are during the day.

All those things. 'cause those are all decisions that can make. Those are all factors that can make decisions very easily or very difficult. If you are, say dug into the fire service, but if you are just like you're present at work and you are a fireman at work, things should be easy for you.

Right? And if you are not a fireman at work, things will be difficult for you if you make them, like it's really. It's interesting 'cause it's like you see dudes that are just like, I don't know how they got to that point, or I don't know why they made that decision, but I wasn't there.

So whatever. But I do know that when I'm at work, when I'm going to fires and I have been to fires, I look at them and I go, what did I learn from that? And I listen to other people's perspective at the same fire because five different people can go to the same fire and you can learn five different lessons from them.

So asking questions. It definitely helps to other people's fires. Yes. I've been to a fire that I did not go to because I talked to a guy and asked him of specific questions that I have. You know what I mean? Like, Hey, what'd you have when you get there? What'd you do? Why'd you do that? What happened when you do that?

Oh, okay, cool. And then you can see where they're at and you can learn some stuff. So we're just. Doing little game day pictures or for drills or whatever, helps a lot. Like, Hey, we got this fire. What are you guys doing? I can see where people are at and I gotta go, oh, okay, that's a problem. Or, oh no, we're good.

And you can adjust from those certain things that makes those quick decisions. Like I know that guy was an officer for at least a couple years at a different department, and he's been around, he has like 20, 30 years total in the fire service. He might be. Seven years at our job, or eight, I forget what it is, but like he has so much more experience than me.

I don't have to worry about what his decision's gonna be. You know what I mean? And then knowing all that stuff, because I've talked to him and he offers that information freely and he's very open to conversations. I don't have to worry. You know what I mean? Like, I just go, yep, we're good. This is, I'm making that decision.

I'm not gonna worry about that anymore. What happens when I walk away? What happens? He's gonna handle it because I told him to handle it. Right. Okay. And if he doesn't, then we'll have a conversation afterwards. But that's it. That's all I got.

TJ: I dig it. I dig it. Pretty fucking gangster

Brian: Yeah. It was a good time.

TJ: Obviously we're recording this at the beginning of

And this is around the season or the era, if you will, that people are making, sticking to or quitting on the resolutions. Are you one of those people or are you a revolutionist New Year, new Brian, or do you think 

it's 

Brian: I think it's corny. I think it's. For me, it's corny, right? For other people. I get it. It might work for them. But you gotta have some sort of catharsis. You gotta have some sort of like emotional tie to a decision or it's yours gonna, gonna keep doing the same d same bullshit. And yes, I set goals, but I don't, I don't go January 1st.

I'm doing this thing right? I have a yearly goal, quarterly goal. Like I break it down, right? We talked about systems before, like I've been pretty successful. We're doing that before. So if it's not broke, don't fix it. You know what I mean? But what I have been when I was like younger, I think everybody goes through that stage.

And if it works for them, great. It doesn't work for me.

TJ: So you have a, not so much a cycle tied to the calendar. You mostly say, here's my goal starting whenever it starts, and then I'm gonna evaluate in 3, 6, 9, 12 months. Gotcha.

Brian: Yeah. So I do, I wouldn't say, I don't tie it to the year, like obviously the end of the year is a good time to reflect, right? If you go through the seasons, spring, summer, fall, winter, right? If you do that whole, if you look at that as like. I wouldn't say religious thing, but like beginning and then like holistically like beginning and then like ramping up and then it kind of like dies down and then you kind of go dormant for a little bit, right?

You gotta take a little bit of rest. If you look at that as like a thing. It's like a, it's a circle. You know which part of the circle you were at? You can be, you can start it in summer when you have all this fucking energy, right. In April. ' Cause that's when the sun comes back out. New beginnings, right?

Easter, the buns coming out, you know, the whole, the whole, I would, I would the whole like pagan thing around that, you know, new beginnings. All of the religious stuff is based off of that stuff. I'm not gonna have a religious conversation, but you can look at it like that. But yeah, if you, I like to tie it, I like to have like the, the introspective conversation with myself at the end of the year and be like, okay, did I do all those things that I was gonna do?

No, I did not. Okay. Why not? Where am I right now with all those things? Oh, you're about 30%. Of what you said you were gonna do. Mm. Okay. Does that make you a liar? Yes, it does. Okay. What happened? Oh, well, I was fucking depressed and I didn't know about it until I started this thing. N now I got my shit together.

You should have no problem doing it this year, so, but you gotta have, like I said, like with the questions, with the incident, like I have some sort of introspective. Accountability for yourself if you're not a re revolutionist or resolution, whatever it's called which I do.

So I have all that stuff. I have systems in place to help me with those sort of things. Surprise, surprise.

TJ: Now dudes I love. So dude, I can count on that shit.

Brian: I figured.

TJ: I started doing these they, uh, a clarity day is what? Some of the people in the circles I run with, call it. And it's basically same thing that you mentioned seasonally, because winter is that sort of time where everything kind of slows down and you get time to be introspective and, and be with yourself and seasonally, it's a same thing that you talked about.

What were my goals? Did I accomplish them? What are the ones for the next year? How am I gonna accomplish them if I didn't accomplish them? Why not? If I did, why? And then you start splitting your life into, same thing Ben Franklin talks about like health, wealth, uh, relationships, learning wisdom, whatever you wanna call it.

And it's cool because at least for me, the systems keep me going in a sense of I can look back at what I've done. I suck at giving myself credit for things. I always, that's that imposter syndrome and that. Inability to celebrate my own successes. So it's really difficult for me to be like, go me, tj, you did a fantastic job.

Because even if I do, I'm gonna look at it and be like, why wasn't I better?

It's like when you get an A, like why wasn't an a plus? And that's been my entire life. So it's important to take stock and say, okay, you know what? Maybe I'm not where I'm gonna be and I'm always gonna feel this way, but at least I have this list of accomplishments that I can look back and be like, fuck yeah.

Brian: Yeah. Yeah. Like you were telling me in the beginning, oh, you gotta take, you gotta, you know, gotta. Take care of yourself, appreciate you. Give yourself some credit or whatever. It's like, oh, trust me, I do. But there are, you gotta be honest with yourself and then be like, oh, okay. Yeah, that makes sense.

Yeah. I also have a list of stuff that I've accomplished. Yeah. You know, like, I wrote a book, got all this stuff, all this other stuff on the wall and stuff like that. Yeah. There's stuff all over this room that remind me of like the things that I've done, so. I got four things that move around the house that I am definitely affected by who talk back to me.

TJ: You're like, listen, here are my little accomplishments. Stop talking back.

Brian: That's my legacy, right? Those four. If you look at it, their kids are your legacy. They are the ones that are gonna remember you the most, right? They're your dad, your, you are their dad. So like you are their, uh, logical side of their brain. Basically, your mother is their emotional side of their brain.

So if those two aren't connected in the house, or, or, or if they clash at all, like they're gonna have terminal for the rest of their life. So if I'm just like. And you gotta have conversations with your partner and the kids and be like, Hey, when they have, like, for instance, they have a sports game, or my girls wrestle, the one boy plays basketball.

He's like, I don't think I'm that good. I'm like, you're just learning. It's okay. You, you're, this is your second year. You're still learning. You took a break from last year. This is your second game. Don't be so hard on yourself. Give you some, some credit. Right? Give yourself some grace. The same conversations you have with yourself, you have with your kids, and then that's their voice, right?

When they're beating their self up for the rest of their life. Or you could be the guy that's like, yeah, you really sucked. You really need to get shit together. You know what I mean? What good is that gonna do to them? Or you know, the young dudes in the firehouse, Hey, you know, like you're still learning that we're gotta work on it, obviously, or, yeah, we really messed up.

Please don't do that again, or whatever. You know what I mean? Having four different personalities as children, you know what I mean? They each learn this differently. My daughter, my who wrestles is very aggressive, and the only time in in the year where she kind of chills out is when she's beaten up on another kids. So like it's, she's just in a very good mood all the time.

I think she just likes fighting and she, she picks on her sister all the time. She picks on the other two, the two boys, you know what I mean? Like I'm not surprised. She's got my genetic code in her, you know what I mean? So I also like to pick fights. So it's fun. I'm not surprised, but I also am aware.

Of like when it is to do those things correctly. And I have to teach her that. And if you don't voice it, they never hear it and it never been, it's never their like inner voice. Right. You other people call it other stuff, right? But it's in your inner voice. It's your inner how you talk to yourself, and that's why a lot of people go to therapy because they were talked to, not very nice when they were kids. So, um. It is what it is at that point. So I, uh, don't like to do that to my children. And if I do, I go, Hey, I'm sorry I messed up. You know what I mean? 

TJ: And that's huge 'cause kids appreciate that. Kids can see that and understand that you are fallible too, but the sort of. The clout, if you will, the sort of capital that you get on an emotional and and relationship level from admitting that you, as the adult maybe didn't handle it so well. They could.

They, I think it's, it's highly appreciated. Just kind of like when you go to a new person in the firehouse, you're like, my bad.

Brian: Yeah.

TJ: Anybody with more time than them that says that sort of stuffed, they're like, holy fuck,

Brian: Who's this guy? Yeah. I like to admit Mike, I like to admit when I'm wrong at the firehouse now, and I think that confuses a lot of guys. 'cause a lot of the other officers don't do that. But I'm different, so whatever I.

TJ: We were looking at the future, we're looking at, resolutions and systems and all that stuff. Let's rewind to the younger you to rookie Brian

Brian: Okay.

TJ: walking into the firehouse for the first time. One sentence advice that you could give him, what would it be?

Brian: Um,

yeah, so. I would probably say that, hey, don't put so much stuff on the internet. That shit's not important. Be present in the firehouse. Don't try to, don't try to like light fires that don't need to be lit. But I did it anyway, 

TJ: for the record, it was not arson, it was just hypothetical

Brian: Yes. Good. Yes. For the

TJ: metaphorical.

Brian: am not an arsonist. I put fires out. I don't set them.

TJ: I don't want the cops knocking down your door.

Brian: Yeah, go ahead. Look around. I don't care.

TJ: Okay. And when it comes to talking to other people, you're mentoring firefighters in 2026, and there's three things that you can tell them aside from, don't put shit on the internet, be present. What would, what three non-negotiables would make somebody a good firefighter in 2026 given the state of the fire service, given the state of the world, given

Brian: non-negotiable. I would say get in the gym. Stay or stay consistent with the gym, right? Because getting in the gym is one day, right? Stay consistent with the gym because if you can take care of your body, it makes your fire service longevity much easier. I know lots of older dudes have like aching injuries that they probably could have avoided had they been a little stronger or a little bit more nimble.

TJ: Hold that thought because Brian is dead on. Being fit for service is definitely a non-negotiable and a career longevity thing. If you want a training program built for firefighters with strength conditioning and durability that actually matches the job, check out fit for service at Keep. The Promise fire.com.

Brian: I also take, I also tell guys to like, don't take the fire service too seriously. Uh, it takes more than it gives. You have to take care of yourself. You have to be able to relax. You have to relax sometime when you're not here. 'cause your body will thank you. Your brain will thank you. And your family will.

Thank you. If you were a constant go go. It's gonna, you're gonna get burned out. There's a term, I don't know it specifically, but like, it's like in our jobs at least, it's like year 10 where guys stop sleeping very well at the firehouse and hunt home and their body's just like in a survival mode basically, and they don't know how to get out of it.

They know how to calm their body down. And I always warn 'em, I warn kids, well, I call 'em kids, but warn guys, 'cause they're younger than me, but you gotta learn to relax. Calm down, sit down, sit down at the firehouse. Well, I feel like I'm not do anything productive. It's like, well you need to get over yourself and you need to sit down and relax.

' cause if you continue to do that forever, you're. Gonna go crazy. You're gonna stress yourself out. You're gonna, you say you wanna be a good dad, right? Yeah. It's not gonna make you a good dad in 10 years. Trust me. What was that two? Was that two,

TJ: Yep, we're up to two.

Brian: get a hobby outside of work.

Nothing fire related. Make friends outside of work. 'cause it just, uh. Allows you to turn your brain off to it. And if they want to hear stories about it, you're more than welcome to talk about it. But you don't have to talk about it with those people. You can't step away from the firehouse if you're always at the firehouse with your friends and with your, the people you're around.

I love my guys at the firehouse and I love hanging out with 'em at work, outside of work. I don't know if I could do it all the time. I just couldn't. I, I. I don't like talking about work all the time outside of work. I don't. ' cause I have to, I'm, I need to, you know, protect my peace or whatever, or protect my space in my head.

Whereas like, it doesn't mean no good if I'm frustrated at about the stuff I can't control at work. So, and I get it. People need to bitch and they need to vent. And whatever, but like I just can't do it all the time. I can turn my brain off to the stuff that I'm not controlling ' cause it's easy. 'cause I'm like, oh, I have no control over that.

So don't worry about it. Yeah. Make friends outside of Firehouse that have nothing to do with work.

TJ: That's something I wish I had listened to when I was much, much younger for sure. The cooler Yakin brother. Brian, thank you so much for taking the time to do this. As always. I love having you here. We bounce all over the place and I always learn something new. Legitimately, like one of the reasons I do this is because I get to hang out with cool people and learn new stuff and.

You keep on delivering, so I appreciate you coming back to

Brian: It's always good to see you. It's always good to see you. I like your stories too. You always, it's interesting 'cause you, uh, watching you cha watching you, uh, evolve with your podcasting is you always kinda like tie the, what, what I'm talking about with some other story, which I think dev, which IGRAs it deeper into, um.

The listener's heads or whatever, it helps tie it in. It's a little bit of catharsis, I should say if that makes sense. But you do a good job. It's always fun to have conversations with you. I appreciate it.